Sunday, September 13, 2009

The most unfortunate...........

Not sure if I have mentioned this yet but almost all of these families live in the same cul-de-sac. If not the same one then the one over. Most are very close and participate in each others block parties, christenings, birthday parties, etc. Years ago there was only one family that didn't. I am going to call them the ''Acorn's" and I worked for them. I guess you could say that this was my first real nanny position.

At the time they had one child that no one in the neighborhood ever saw unless she was getting in or out of the car. "A.J." was a very sweet little girl that, if you didn't know any better, you may have thought she was a deaf mute. Kid didn't say a word most of the time and if you asked her to do something she would just stare at you with this blank look as if you were speaking a foreign language. In fact the only way that I knew for sure she could speak and hear was because she really liked to sing along to my Dwight Yoakam albums. Anyway, A.J's parents were certifiable.

Mother Acorn was in real estate and only worked a few days a week. She got pregnant before she married Mr. Acorn. This caused most of the issues in this house. I personally believe that it is ok to have a baby out of wedlock. I mean divorce is expensive and just because you choose to have the child does not mean that you are going to magically get along. Mrs. Acorn didn't feel the same way. She had A.J., kicked Mr. Acorn out, and became a born-again Christian. Mr. Acorn still had his office in her house and would stop by randomly throughout the day.

You see, he used to be a tennis pro and possibly at some point was a charmer. That charming aspect whittled away throughout the years and he is now weird and socially awkward. It may have something to do with the fact that Mrs. Acorn quit sleeping with him and made him move to a condo across the street. Did I mention that all of this happened AFTER the kid was born? Oh that's right, I did! So eventually they get married and leave the cul-de-sac. They move to a giant house across town that they can't afford.

Going back to before the marriage and the house Mrs. Acorn had a hard time dealing with most things. I guess that is why she stayed in her house most of the time. Poor A.J. never did normal kid stuff. She never had a birthday party with other kids. She had never been in a swimming pool. She was very familiar with the T.V. and basically knew nothing about the outside world. I was not only their childcare provider but also their maid and personal counselor. They would leave dishes and laundry for me from the whole weekend. I am talking about nasty ass curdled milk and such. My main job, as far as I was concerned, was to get this child socialized as quickly as possible. This proved to be a very difficult task.

With all the above things mentioned lets not forget that they were also neurotic first time parents. I truly believe that they loved her and wanted the best for her however keeping her trapped in the house was the worst way to protect her. It took me an entire year to get her excited and comfortable about playing with other children. Then they choose to move her to another neighborhood where their are no other children? Great parenting if you ask me. I always heard about selfish parents that only have children to make themselves feel better or to manipulate the father into marriage. Never thought I would work for one of these families.

One day after they were married Mrs. Acorn came home so excited. She was pregnant. She had decided that she was going to quit her job to stay home with them once he was born. Several weeks later I quit. I hit a point with them where I felt that any day I was going to explode. The day that I left that position was the last day I ever saw or heard from them for almost 4 years. They had to move back into the old house because they couldn't afford the new one. The truth is I don't give two shits about Mr. and Mrs. Acorn. They are horrible people. I do care about the kids! I mean who wants to have their kids sitting around looking like the photo above? I can only pray that they end up as well-adjusted semi-normal kids. Hoping that they play together and learn from each other since they aren't getting it anywhere else. The fact that this may not be possible is the most unfortunate thing of all.

Ok guys, sorry about the rant this week but this family really pisses me off. I love everyone I have ever worked for except these people. On a lighter note, I will be in Germany for Oktoberfest next week and will not be around to post my blog. When I get back you will meet the "Kramer's" and they are freakin' hilarious! I will also tell you one of the funniest stories ever to happen on "Wisteria Lane". (For those of you that ever watched "Desperate Housewives" you will understand.) Thanks for stopping by and have a fantastic week!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Fancy Pants...................

Anna: "Miss Lauren, can we watch a movie tonight?"
Me: "Sure, whatcha thinkin'?"
Anna: "Well, the new Wizards of Waverly place movie premieres on Disney channel!"
Abby: "Oh man, I love that movie."
Anna: "But you've never even seen it cause today is the first day!"
Abby: "Yes I have too."
Chuckie: (Petting the dogs while sucking her thumb.)
Me: "Well we can all watch it together tonight."
Anna: "But I wanna watch it by myself and not with the little kids."
Abby: "But Anna that's not fair cause you always watch it by yourself."
Chuckie: (Wrestling with the dogs.)
Me: "How about if you guys each watch it on a separate T.V.?"
Abby: " Cause its too scary and I wanna watch it with Anna!"
Anna: "Well, I don't wanna watch it with Abby."
Me: "Since we can't compromise then I guess no one watches it!"
Chuckie: (Diving off the back of the couch to jump on the dogs, thumb still in mouth.)
Anna & Abby: (Crying as they run to their separate rooms.) "That's not fair! You are mean!"

So the scenario ends with the girls coming out of their rooms minutes later with a solution. Anna will watch downstairs and Abby will watch upstairs with Chuckie (who could care less). They also each get to invite a friend over. This type of argument is not rare among the Workman girls. They are all fiercely independent in most ways but every once in a while there is that longing for sisterly bonding. In most cases that longing doesn't happen at the same time. So, I made popcorn and everyone had a blast! By the end of the night I was no longer "mean" or "unfair"! In fact, I had restored my title as the coolest babysitter on the planet!

"Anna" is the older sister. She goes to public school and does normal kid things. She can't decide between softball, soccer, or guitar lessons. (I vote for the guitar lessons.) She longs to make friends which is hard these days. Not that she doesn't have them, just that she wants to be friends with the "cool" kids. She doesn't know yet that those kids are gonna go through life acting bratty then end up getting DUI's or being pregnant at 18. I hope she ends up being one of the nerdy kids. Mrs. Workman disagrees. She wants her to be somewhere in between, though I am not sure that place exists. I can see Anna now, riding her Vespa to high school theater or band practice with some cute little black rimmed glasses and purple Chuck Taylor's. My point is that I don't think it is fair that there is a social awkwardness in third grade. There is no need for these kids to have i-pods or cellphones. Parents should just let their kids be kids. If your child is bratty and mean by nature don't give them expensive things to boost their egos. It just makes them feel as if they better than others when they probably shouldn't. Through all the pressures she sees every day, Anna treats everyone well. She has a big heart.

"Abby" is very similar to Anna in many ways. She looks up to her big sister and learns from her. I met the Workman's before she could even talk. She is now in Kindergarten at an immersion school for foreign languages. She gets one hour of English a day and the rest is in Mandarin Chinese. Being the middle child I love that her parents decided she should do something special that sets her apart. In the future I see Abby doing great things. She is gonna be the funky, socialite jet-setter type. She has great social skills and is able to adapt to almost any situation with little difficulty. She is definitely the one in the family that is happy to sport electric blue lame leggings (see above photo) from American Apparel with a crazy sundress and plastic jewelry. I hope they let her wear them to school with her frumpy uniform!

Last but not least is Miss "Chuckie". Calling her the wild-child of the family is an understatement. I was making dinner for the girls one afternoon and had to use the restroom. So I left them in the kitchen coloring for 20-30 seconds to relieve myself. I walk back in to find that Chuckie had pushed her step stool over to the trash can. She climbed on top and was now sitting on the counter playing with her father's very expensive coffee maker. She can not be trusted. She is also a hair cutter and a trouble-maker. The great thing about this is that I don't much have to worry about her. If she falls down she gets up, usually, with no problem. Her best friend is the only boy in the neighborhood and she would rather run around with no clothes on than a princess dress. To be so wild she doesn't have much of an opinion when it comes to activities. She will eat and drink pretty much anything you put in front of her (scary) and doesn't seem to care what activities we do. To be the craziest she very well may be the most agreeable.

Let me remind you folks that ALL children are different with me than they are with their parents. My idea of these kids are probably very different than their parent's. These girls are very similar but very different. It is extremely important in their family that they are their own person. If you ask me I think that is one of the most valuable things to teach your kids. Don't get me wrong a little structure is great. What I am saying is that this family has worked out a strong balance of both.

Thanks for stopping by! See ya next week!
P.S. The Workman's got a new dog after Chuckie got a little older. Luna is a Newfoundland. Luna and Cash are best buddies!